How EFT Tapping Can Help with Boundary Setting
Setting boundaries is an essential part of maintaining healthy, balanced relationships—whether with family, friends, colleagues, or even ourselves. Yet, for many people, setting and maintaining boundaries can feel uncomfortable, even impossible.
Feelings of guilt, fear, worry, or self-doubt often surface when we try to assert our needs, leaving us stuck in patterns of people-pleasing, avoidance, or resentment.
This is where EFT Tapping (Emotional Freedom Techniques) can make a profound difference. EFT Tapping is a simple yet powerful practice that helps individuals regulate their emotions, build self-awareness, and develop the emotional resilience needed to set and maintain boundaries with greater ease.
In this article, we'll explore:
Why boundary setting can be emotionally challenging.
How EFT Tapping works to support emotional regulation.
Practical steps to use EFT Tapping for healthier boundaries.
Real-world examples of how tapping has helped people overcome boundary-related struggles.
If you want to go even deeper into these concepts and discover practical exercises and techniques for setting boundaries in your relationships, check out my new book Setting Boundaries.
Why Setting Boundaries Feels So Hard
Boundaries are the invisible lines we set around ourselves to protect our time, energy, emotions, and personal space.
They allow us to define what’s acceptable and what isn’t in our relationships and interactions. However, many of us were never taught how to set boundaries or, worse, were conditioned to believe that prioritizing our needs is selfish.
Common Emotional Barriers to Boundary Setting
Guilt: The fear of hurting someone's feelings or appearing selfish.
Fear: Worrying about rejection, abandonment, or conflict.
Self-Doubt: Feeling uncertain about your right to set limits.
People-Pleasing Tendencies: Prioritizing others' comfort over your own well-being.
These emotions often stem from childhood experiences or societal conditioning. For example, if you grew up in a household where expressing your needs was met with disapproval, you may subconsciously avoid asserting yourself as an adult.
The Role of the Nervous System in Boundary Setting
When we feel anxious about setting a boundary, our nervous system activates the fight-flight-freeze response. The brain interprets boundary-setting as a potential social threat, leading to feelings of discomfort. EFT Tapping helps interrupt this stress response, calming the nervous system and creating a more balanced emotional state.
What Is EFT Tapping and How Does It Work?
EFT Tapping is a mind-body technique that blends elements of modern psychology with ancient Chinese medicine. It involves tapping on specific acupressure points on the body while focusing on a distressing thought, feeling, or memory. Studies, such as those conducted by Dr. Peta Stapleton, have shown that EFT can significantly reduce cortisol levels, improve emotional regulation, and promote neuroplasticity (the brain's ability to rewire itself).
By addressing both the emotional and physiological components of boundary-setting struggles, EFT provides a holistic approach to overcoming fear, guilt, and self-doubt.
How EFT Supports Boundary Setting
Calms the Fight-or-Flight Response: Helps the body shift from sympathetic (stress) activation to parasympathetic (rest-and-digest) mode.
Reframes Limiting Beliefs: Reduces the emotional charge around beliefs like "I'm selfish if I say no."
Builds Emotional Resilience: Regular tapping helps cultivate a calmer, more confident mindset for future interactions.
In my new book, Setting Boundaries, I go deeper into these emotional challenges and explain step-by-step methods to use EFT for managing guilt, fear, and anxiety when asserting your needs.
Practical EFT Tapping Script for Boundary Setting
Ready to experience the benefits of EFT Tapping for yourself? Follow these steps:
Step 1: Identify the Boundary Challenge
Start by identifying a specific situation where you struggle to set or maintain boundaries. For example:
"I feel guilty when I say no to extra work."
"I feel anxious about telling my friend I need more personal space."
Step 2: Rate the Emotional Intensity
On a scale of 0 to 10 (with 10 being the most intense), rate how strong the emotion feels. This helps track your progress.
Step 3: Create a Setup Statement
The setup statement acknowledges the emotion while affirming self-acceptance. Use the formula:
"Even though I feel [emotion] about [specific situation], I deeply and completely accept myself."
Examples:
"Even though I feel guilty about saying no to my boss, I deeply and completely accept myself."
"Even though I feel anxious about setting boundaries with my partner, I deeply and completely accept myself."
Repeat this statement three times while tapping on the side of the hand.
Step 4: Tap Through the EFT Points
Tap gently 5–7 times on each point while saying a reminder phrase like "this guilt" or "this anxiety."
Eyebrow (EB): Start of the eyebrow – "This guilt about saying no."
Side of Eye (SE): Side of the eye – "This fear of disappointing others."
Under Eye (UE): Under the eye – "This worry about conflict."
Under Nose (UN): Under the nose – "This anxiety about boundaries."
Chin (CH): Below the lower lip – "I feel guilty for putting myself first."
Collarbone (CB): Just below the collarbone – "This fear of being judged."
Under Arm (UA): About 4 inches below the armpit – "This worry about what others think."
Top of Head (TH): Center of the head – "This guilt and fear about setting boundaries."
Step 5: Reassess the Intensity
After one or two rounds of tapping, pause and take a deep breath. Re-rate your emotional intensity. If it’s still high, continue tapping until the intensity lowers significantly.
Step 6: Introduce Positive Reframes
Once the intensity has decreased, tap another round with empowering affirmations. For example:
"I am allowed to say no without guilt."
"I can set boundaries with kindness and clarity."
"It’s safe for me to prioritize my well-being."
Frequently Asked Questions (FAQ) About EFT Tapping and Boundary Setting
1. How long does it take for EFT Tapping to help with boundary setting?
EFT Tapping often produces noticeable results within minutes—especially for surface-level emotional distress. However, deeper, more ingrained patterns related to guilt, fear, or people-pleasing may take several sessions. Consistent practice over several weeks can lead to long-lasting changes in how you feel about asserting boundaries.
2. Can EFT help with long-standing people-pleasing tendencies?
Yes. People-pleasing is often rooted in childhood experiences or societal conditioning. EFT helps release the emotional charge attached to these patterns, allowing you to feel more at ease when saying no, prioritizing your needs, or communicating your limits.
3. What if I can’t pinpoint the exact reason for my discomfort around boundaries?
That’s perfectly okay. EFT works even if you don’t know the root cause of your discomfort. You can start with general tapping statements like: “Even though I feel anxious about setting boundaries, I deeply and completely accept myself.” As you tap, deeper insights may surface, revealing the underlying memories or beliefs.
4. How often should I practice EFT for boundary issues?
Daily practice can yield the best results—especially if you’re new to EFT or have long-standing challenges with boundaries. Even 5–10 minutes each morning can help reinforce a sense of calm, confidence, and clarity when navigating interactions throughout your day. For a better break down of how much time to tap to get best results, check out my other post by clicking here.
5. Do I need a therapist to practice EFT?
While EFT can be practised independently, working with an EFT-certified practitioner can be helpful when addressing deeply rooted emotional patterns or trauma. Many of the techniques, tools, and exercises in my book Setting Boundaries can help you get started with self-guided tapping. Plus, you can check out many of my free EFT Tapping videos on YouTube.
Keep Tapping!
Blessings,
Michael Hetherington
